Dear Viagra,

So I’m watching Hulu, and every commercial break has a Viagra commercial. I couldn’t be less of their target audience. The last thing I need in my life is a guy with a hard-on.

The site for this photo was “drugdangers.com.” There’s a joke in there somewhere.

Migraines were a huge part of why my marriage failed. The other bits included the fact that I married an asshole, so there’s that.

Chronic pain does a number on relationships. It’s incredibly hard on familial ones; those people can’t escape us. Husbands and wives, it’s often way too much for them to understand and cope with, dealing with a partner who’s in constant pain.

I tried dating once, a few years ago. Here’s where it fell apart. He called after he got home from work, and I asked about his day. Then he asked what I did.

Well, I spent my whole day on the couch, in constant pain, taking lots of drugs.

So I said, “Nothing.”

And then we broke up that night because I wasn’t … whatever it was he was expecting.

So Pfizer, you can keep your Viagra and your “cuddling” after date night.

I’ll still be,

Payne.

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3 thoughts on “Dear Viagra,

  1. It does, rather. Hard to explain how quickly “What happened today? Nothing” goes from being a noncommittal response, to being a damning indictment of life in general.

    On one hand, I wish that more people understood it. on the other, I wish it wasn’t a thing for people to have to understand. Like how nobody has to know how flying face-eating anglerfish work, because they don’t exist.

    Like

  2. I just found your site and I thank you for sharing. You are a gifted writer who should keep doing just that. I hope you are doing okay, and I can’t wait to read more of you, the alternative to the plastic smiling mask we wear out in public.

    Like

    • Thanks! I’ve been having a lot of trouble lately, so I haven’t posted in awhile. Between pain, tremors, and depression, I haven’t been able to write. I’m so glad you’re enjoying my stuff — it’s great to know it’s helping someone somehow.

      Like

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